I Love You, Now Die

I’ve read articles and watched several videos regarding the case of Michelle Carter over the years so I obviously watched the two part documentary series on HBO. Her proceeding court case has always struck my attention for how disturbing it truly is: The teenage girl who encouraged, maybe even coerced, her boyfriend to end his life. On one of my many morning train commutes, I remember reading the text exchanges between this young couple that would ultimately lead to the death of Conrad Roy and it made me sick. During the final days of Conrad’s life, Michelle repetitively asked him when he was going to “do it.” The basis of her text messages to Conrad were practically this:

Are you going to do it? How about now? Are you going to do it now? When are you going to do it? I don’t understand why you haven’t done it yet.

It seemed as though she was scolding him for putting off his own death, and not realizing that his hesitation was a clear indication that he didn’t really want to die. The main question is this: Was she responsible for his death? 

This case has opened a can of worms. Is it a crime to assist in someone’s suicide? Utimately, the person with active suicidal ideation who is successful in their attempt to take their own life is the one responsible for their death, right? In Michelle’s case, the prosecution argues that people can essentially be held responsible for another’s suicide if they encourage and/or do nothing to stop it. It’s a gray area in our justice system. 

Watching Conrad’s story is very disturbing and sad to me. He was a young kid plagued with mental illness. Imagine being tormented day in and day out by your own mind? Our society has a long way to go in recognizing the severity of mental illness and treating those who suffer tremendously from it. Our brain is a powerful, but yet fragile organ. So many traumatic experiences can alter and shape our mental health, but yet we put this stigma on it. If we can’t see it, then it must not exist. Truth be told, mental illness is just as deadly as cancer in my opinion. I don’t think Conrad was ready to die. It was his depression that was winning the war that was waged in his head. He needed a helping hand to pull him off the edge. That helping hand wasn’t Michelle. It couldn’t have been her. She was a mentally ill teenager herself. She tried to commit suicide before. Michelle was even on medication at the time with her own issues to battle. 

Could we have expected a sickly teenager to do the right thing? She didn’t stop him. She didn’t call 911. She didn’t contact his family with the knowledge that Conrad was going to kill himself, especially when she was aware Conrad had made a near fatal attempt on his life once before. In fact, she allegedly told him to get back in the car when the carbon monoxide started to take effect causing Conrad to freak out because he was actually dying. How she couldn’t see that he truly didn’t want to die is beyond disturbing and disgusting to me. 

Do I think she was negligent in her conduct? Yes. Was it morally wrong of her not to seek out help when Conrad openly spoke of committing suicide? Absolutely. I do think she should take responsibility and be punished for her actions leading right up to Conrad’s suicide. Do I think it should ruin her whole life? I don’t know. She’s still young. She certainly needs help. Maybe, in her warped mind, Michelle really thought she was helping Conrad. Or maybe in reality, she just wanted attention. Michelle so desperately wanted companionship that she was willing to let her own boyfriend die so she could get just that. Maybe she reveled in her role as the “grieving” girlfriend. I just know that a kid died too young, and that he could’ve been saved.