Saying Goodbye to My Twenties...

February 02, 2018

Saying Goodbye to My Twenties...

Saying "I'm thirty" out loud is strange. I still feel as if I'm 21, which is probably a result of me adulting poorly. They say 30 is the new 20 right? Probably not true, but I'll say I'm a late bloomer. I still need to learn how to drive, move out on my own, surpass my social anxiety to earn a better salary, save more money, get rid of student loans, start managing my retirement, and pay closer attention to my health. I know I am more than capable of tackling these tasks though. I basically bought a car all on my own, and manage a car loan with no help right now. A car I can't drive yet (lol), but a car I can handle on my own nonetheless. This is thanks to me buckling down, and growing my credit score. I've also surprised myself with my savings. I'm been really pushing myself to put away money. I'm just mad I wasted my twenties not being more proactive in this. If I knew what I know now, I would have focused my twenties on saving money for my student loans, and a future house. I know I can still conquer these things on my own when I put my mind to it.

What is it like being 30? Well... looking back at the beginning of my twenties, I was a basic bitch. I shopped at Aeropostle. I wore UGGs (these are still the warmest boots I own... #sorrynotsorry). I owned jeans. I had horrible eyebrows. I liked zebra print, and thought my dinky photoshoots were great. As the years went by, I became blonde. I learned how to do my makeup. I stopped tweezing my brows, and let them be thick. I discovered curling wands, clip-in extensions, and wigs. I became a cosplayer, and my wardrobe is much more interesting now. I've taken so many better photos since then. I really grew into myself.

I was also more of a bitchass 10 years ago. I didn't stand up for myself when it came to my shithead ex-boyfriends. Since then, I've learned to not let people walk all over me. I've learned to not be fooled by people's bullshit. I've learned to call people out on their shit when they are wrong. I've become a proud bitch in the process. I've made my descend into the dark side with no regrets.

I also wanted different things back then. I'm more realistic, and practical now. I wanted to live the big city life. Now, if I can get as far away LOL. I no longer want to work in the city, nor do I want the commute. I'm sick of mass transit, and how nothing works. I want to live in a quiet neighborhood. I was raised in suburbia, and I will probably always stay in suburban life. I want to sit and look out at the water on a secluded north shore beach. I want to run through sunflower and lavender fields, visit farms, and discover new places. Maybe, I was always a Long Island girl deep down. Who was I fooling to think I could be a city girl? You have a poor lapse of judgement in your early twenties. Why live in a small cardboard box in the city when you could have a house with a backyard. Cars? I like the Nissan Versa. I don't care about fancy muscle cars anymore. I've even though in terms of SUVs because of the snow during the winter. Watch, I talked so much shit about Jeeps, and I'll somehow end up in one because every guy I know loves fucking Jeeps including Miguel.

My actual birthday wasn't that bad. I let go of my depression, and accepted my fate. I decided last minute to take the day off. I don't know why I didn't do it sooner, because I was basically done with the hardest part of budget by the time my day rolled around. Luckily, my manager was completely fine with it. Chinh and Christine wanted to take me out after I got out of work, but I wasn't too keen on that because I look like absolutely shit when I'm at work LOL. We are talking bare minimum, bitch I don't even do my eyebrows anymore. I really didn't want to make the effort to get up before 6:30 in the morning of my birthday to get ready. I rather do birthday things on my day off so I can have my makeup, hair, and outfit the way I want to with a shit ton of glitter on my face.

It actually worked out perfectly. I was able to sleep in, and get adequate sleep. I had been operating on one day off for the majority of January and it sucks. We went to the city for dinner at a steakhouse called Empire. They had a special restaurant week menu that included dessert. Obviously, I got cheesecake. The food was pretty good, although I think my steak was a little raw than compared to what I ordered. I'm not a fan of steak being under cooked. It's kind of gross to me. I still question myself on whether I actually like red meat or not. I would probably never eat it if I lived on my own lol. Earlier that day, we made a trip to Stax since they are selling donuts now. We picked cute donuts, and two macarons - a Pikachu and a Pooh Bear. Later that night, the waiters brought out the donuts with candles in them and sang "Happy Birthday" to me. lmao. Chinh and Christine gave me this cute donut card, and surprised me with NYC Ballet tickets! I'm so excited we are all going together to watch a ballet finally. I almost cried. My best friends are so thoughtful and amazing. We are going to see Romeo and Juliet on the weekend of Katsucon since Chinh and I concluded that going to that con is just a bad idea. Since Miguel is gone, my weekend is free and so we are finally shooting with Felipe. I'm excited to finally shoot my Valentine's' Day Harley. I know it will be after the actually holiday, but who cares. I think I've warmed up to this horrible holiday since I've been with Miguel. Gross. Speaking of Miguel, he was actually really sweet and sent me flowers. I was totally in shock when I got home, and opened the card to see a message from Cowboy lol. 12 dozen red roses in total. I almost cried then too. I feel really bad because he was stressed about bills coming out of his account, and than rent is looming over him soon. He still decided to make a sacrifice, and send me flowers for my Birthday. It was a perfect ending to my day. I went 25 days without him. I truly missed him, even though we bicker all the time and he threats to take me back to the train after an hour of being together LOL.

Despite being terrified of entering a new decade, I am my best self. My whole twenties have accumulated to this. I've really grew into the person I was meant to be. All in all, it was a great birthday. I'm lucky to have friends and family that really make me feel so special and loved in a time where I've been unsure of myself. It means the world to me.

LOL she was so miserable because my Dad was on a business trip. Left "all alone"... no one loves her.
She's so dramatic.

LOL the girl helping us told us to put a filter on these old donuts.

Cute Panda donuts!

While walking past Rockefeller Center, we spotted this Kate Spade store. I hate this bitch. She makes such cute shit. Ironically, I was looking at her tote bags a few weeks ago because I really need to replace my Betsey bag. Its wear and tear is really showing. One day I'll fork up the money for one.